A REALLY big prize
Kirsty Raynor….THE Kirsty Raynor…is going to give me a private, online mediation…all the way from Britain.
Please hold while I collect myself.
<Insert hold music here. Maybe some Neil Diamond>
Alright I’m back.
Before we get into the meat of this post, I should let you know I never win anything huge. I’m a $1 scratch ticket, cheap bottle of wine, sometimes a free appetizer kinda winner. I’m the girl you want next to you at Bingo or trivia night. You can be assured a win in my presence.
So, imagine my surprise when this major announcement hit Instagram. My shock was even greater when I received a DM from Kirsty herself, congratulating me and asking when it would be a good time to schedule the 30 minute mediation.
30 minutes? THIRTY minutes! Like a big 3 and an 0. One half of an hour.
Up until this very day, my mediation attempts had been force fed to me by yoga teachers. Trapped in the final stages of shavasana, the teachers would gently guide us to a peaceful place. I would be in a euphoric state of my own, thinking about how hungry I was, planning my next meal and hoping no one would hear my stomach growl. Those 5-10 minutes were torture. How would I survive 30 minutes? In my world, 30 minutes was next to forever! Ordinarily, I won’t wait on a table at a restaurant for that length of time.
Even my idol, Chelsea Handler couldn’t get me to mediate. Ever since she found a less angry place in her daily 10 minutes of zen, she has been crowing about the benefits. I always listen to what Chelsea says…except for the daily smoking of a small forest of weed…but I couldn’t get my head together enough to make the effort.
But, my Mom always taught me to accept a gift of kindness. And this was Kirsty Raynor. After hearing Kirsty interviewed on the Emma Gun podcast and subsequently following her on Instagram, I realized she was unlike any yoga teacher I had encountered. She was inspiring and adorable, went out clubbing until the wee hours, only to share her hangover stories the next day. She was gorgeously flawed and fabulous, brimming with confidence and realism. If there was anyone who could get me to meditate, it was this girl.
Sunday, June 16, 2019 7:51 AM
I’m ready. I’ve got my yoga mat, my yoga block, placed my phone in a tripod and I’ve changed my top four times. My session was at 8 AM and Kirsty was calling me. I was more than a little nervous. I really wanted to be a good mediation subject and had made sure I was well fed. No stomach noises.
I’d like to tell you about the sweet little chat we had before the session, but I’m going to keep that to myself. Lordy! She is just precious and fantastic.
I’d also like to describe how she guided me through the meditation, but I will confess, I don’t recall much. What I do know, is the 30 minutes flew by. When it was over, I was so calm and was filled with a sense of well-being. It was better than waking from a restful sleep. It was like witchcraft…..
After we signed off, I sat on my mat for a minute and scanned my body. The calmness had eased back and was being replaced by this interesting buzzy feeling. The sensation was similar to the effect I get after running. Almost euphoric. I was strangely energized, but calm at the same time. ( I swear it’s a feeling. I don’t need to be institutionalized.) The feeling ebbed and flowed through out the day. That evening, I needed to attend an event with people I normally do not like to associate with. Ordinarily, I would be pent up and irritated hours before I left. But, on this day, I was kind of “whatever” about it. “Whatever” had become my new, stress free feeling.
Apparently, that’s what you get when you mediate.
Who’da thunk it….
These past few days since my session with Kirsty, I’ve tried to meditate on my own. My first day, I tried to do an unguided session. Less than 30 seconds in, I was rearranging my daily schedule in my head. It was a total fail. No calmness, no well-being. I was like a newborn foal…all wobbles. Clearly I need a guide. Thankfully, Kirsty has a Youtube channel with guided meditations lasting less than 10 minutes. They have saved me.
Then I watched her blopper reel video. She says “fuck” about 10 times in less than 2 minutes.
Move over Chelsea…I have a new mediation idol.